Vasyuki chess tournament. The meaning of the phraseological unit “New Vasyuki. "New Vasyuki" live and win

The twelve Chairs

Chapter XXXIV. Interplanetary Chess Congress

In the morning, a tall, thin old man in a golden pince-nez and short, very dirty, paint-stained boots was walking around Vasyuki. He stuck handwritten posters on the walls:

June 22, 1927
In the premises of the Kartonazhnik club
will take place
lecture on the topic:
“A FRUITFUL DEBUT IDEA”
And
SESSION OF SIMULTANEOUS GAME OF CHESS
on 160 boards
grandmaster (senior master) O. Bender
Everyone comes with their own boards.
Game fee 50 kopecks.
Entrance fee 20 kopecks.
Starts exactly at 6 o'clock. evenings
Administration K. Michelson.

The grandmaster himself also did not waste time. Having rented a club for three rubles, he moved to the chess section, which for some reason was located in the corridor of the horse breeding management.

A one-eyed man sat in the check section and read Spielhagen’s novel in Panteleev’s edition.

Grandmaster O. Bender! - said Ostap, sitting down on the table. I’m arranging a simultaneous game session with you.

The only eye of the Vasyukin chess player opened to the limits allowed by nature.

Just a minute, comrade grandmaster! shouted the one-eyed man. Please sit down. Ya now.

And the one-eyed man ran away. Ostap looked around the chess section. There were photographs of racing horses hanging on the walls, and on the table lay a dusty office book with the title: “Achievements of the Vasyukin Shah Section for 1925.”

One-Eye returned with a dozen citizens of varying ages. They all came up in turn to introduce themselves, named their names and respectfully shook the grandmaster’s hand.

“On our way to Kazan,” Ostap said abruptly, “yes, yes, the show is tonight, come.” And now, excuse me, I’m not in shape: I’m tired after the Carlsbad tournament.

The Vasyukin chess players listened to Ostap with filial love. Ostap suffered. He felt a surge of new strength and chess ideas.

“You won’t believe,” he said, “how far chess thought has moved. You know, Lasker got to the point of vulgar things, it became impossible to play with him. He smokes his opponents with cigars. And he smokes cheap ones on purpose so that the smoke is more disgusting. The chess world is in trouble. The grandmaster switched to local topics.

Why are there no thought games in the provinces? For example, here is your check section. That’s what it’s called: the Shah Section. It's boring, girls! Why don't you really call it something beautiful, truly chess-like. This would draw the union masses into the section. For example, your section would be called: “Four Knights Chess Club”, or “Red Endgame”, or “Loss of Quality while Gaining Tempo”. It would be nice! Sounds great! The idea was a success.

“And in fact,” said the Vasyukinites, “why not rename our section the “Four Horses Club”?

Since the bureau of the chess section was right there, Ostap organized, under his honorary chairmanship, a minute-long meeting, at which the section was unanimously renamed the “Four Horses Chess Club.” The grandmaster himself, using the lessons of Scriabin, artistically created a sign with four knights and a corresponding inscription on a sheet of cardboard,

This important event promised a flowering of chess thought in Vasyuki.

Chess! - said Ostap. Do you know what chess is? They move forward not only culture, but also the economy! Do you know that your “Four Horses Chess Club”, if done correctly, can completely transform the city of Vasyuki?

Ostap hasn't eaten anything since yesterday. Therefore, his eloquence was extraordinary.

Yes! - he shouted. Chess enriches the country! If you agree to my project, then you will go down from the city to the pier along marble stairs! Vasyuki will become the center of ten provinces! What have you heard about the city of Semmering before? Nothing! And now this little town is rich and famous only because it was organized there international tournament That’s why I say: an international chess tournament should be organized in Vasyuki.

How? Everyone shouted.

“It’s a very real thing,” the grandmaster replied, “my personal connections and “your initiative” are all that is necessary and sufficient for organizing the international Vasyukin tournament. Think about how beautiful it will sound: “International Vasyukin Tournament of 1927.” The arrival of Jose-Raoul Capablanca, Emmanuel Lasker, Alekhine, Nimzowitsch, Reti, Rubinstein, Marozzi, Tarrasch, Vidmar and Dr. Grigoriev is guaranteed. In addition, my participation is guaranteed!

But money! The Vasyukinites groaned. They all need to pay money! Many thousands of money! Where can I get them?

“Everything has been taken into account by the mighty hurricane,” said O. Bender, “the money will come from the collections.

Who will pay such crazy money? Vasyukinites...

What kind of Vasyukins are there! The Vasyukin residents will not pay any money. They will get them! It's all extremely simple. After all, chess lovers from all over the world will come to the tournament with the participation of such greatest Veltmeisters. Hundreds of thousands of people, richly wealthy people, will flock to Vasyuki. Firstly, river transport will not be able to carry such a number of passengers. Consequently, the NKPS will build the Moscow-Vasyuki railway. This is time. Two are hotels and skyscrapers to accommodate guests. Three raising Agriculture within a radius of a thousand kilometers: guests need to be supplied with vegetables, fruits, caviar, chocolates. The palace in which the tournament will take place four. Five construction of garages for guest vehicles. To broadcast the sensational results of the tournament to the whole world, a super-powerful radio station will have to be built. This is the sixth thing. Now regarding the Moscow-Vasyuki railway. Undoubtedly, it will not have the capacity to transport everyone to Vasyuki. From here flows the Bolshie Vasyuki airport regular departure of mail planes and airships to all parts of the world, including Los Angeles and Melbourne.

Dazzling prospects unfolded before the Vasyukin amateurs. The boundaries of the room expanded. The rotten walls of the horse breeding nest collapsed, and instead of them, a glass thirty-three-story palace of chess thought went into the blue sky. In every hall, in every room, and even in elevators whizzing by like bullets, thoughtful people sat and played chess on boards inlaid with malachite...

Marble stairs fell into the blue Volga. There were ocean steamers on the river. Big-faced foreigners, chess ladies, Australian fans of the Indian defense, Indians in white turbans, adherents of the Spanish party, Germans, French, New Zealanders, residents of the Amazon River basin and envious Vasyukinites - Muscovites, Leningraders, Kievites, Siberians and Odessans - came up to the city along the funiculars.

Cars moved like a conveyor belt among the marble hotels. But then everything stopped. World champion Jose Raul Capablanca y Graupera emerged from the fashionable Passed Pawn Hotel. He was surrounded by ladies. The policeman, dressed in a special chess uniform (checked riding breeches and bishops on the buttonholes), saluted politely. The one-eyed chairman of the Vasyukin “Four Horses Club” approached the champion with dignity.

A conversation between two luminaries, conducted on English language, was interrupted by the arrival of Dr. Grigoriev and the future world champion Alekhine.

Shouts of welcome shook the city. Jose Raul Capablanca y Graupera winced. With a wave of the one-eyed man's hand, a marble staircase was brought up to the airplane. Doctor Grigoriev ran down it, waving his new hat in greeting and commenting as he went on Capablanca's possible mistake in his upcoming match with Alekhine.

Suddenly a black dot was seen on the horizon. It quickly approached and grew, turning into a large emerald parachute. A man with a suitcase was hanging from the parachute ring like a big radish.

It's him! The one-eyed man shouted. Hurray! Hooray! Hooray! I recognize the great chess philosopher, Dr. Lasker. He's the only one in the whole world who wears such green socks.

Jose Raul Capablanca y Graupera winced again.

A marble staircase was quickly presented to Lasker, and the cheerful ex-champion, blowing off from his left sleeve a speck of dust that had landed on him during a flight over Silesia, fell into the arms of the one-eyed man. One-Eye took Lasker by the waist, led him to the champion and said:

Make peace! I ask you on behalf of the broad Vasyukin masses! Make peace!

Jose Raul sighed noisily and, shaking the old veteran’s hand, said:

I have always admired your idea of ​​moving the bishop in the Spanish game from b5 to c4.

Hurray! exclaimed the one-eyed man. Simple and convincing, in the style of a champion! And the entire unimaginable crowd echoed:

Hurray! Vivat! Banzai! Simple and convincing, in the style of a champion!!!

Express trains rolled up to twelve Vasyukino stations, disembarking more and more crowds of chess lovers.

The sky was already ablaze with luminous advertisements when a white horse was led through the streets of the city. This was the only horse that survived the mechanization of Vasyukin transport. By a special decree she was renamed a horse, although she was considered a mare all her life. Chess fans greeted her, waving palm branches and chess boards.

“Don’t worry,” said Ostap, “my project will guarantee your city an unprecedented flourishing of productive forces. Think about what will happen when the tournament is over and when all the guests have left. Residents of Moscow, constrained by the housing crisis, will rush to your magnificent city. The capital automatically moves to Vasyuki. The government is coming here. Vasyuki is renamed New Moscow, Moscow Old Vasyuki. Leningraders and Kharkovites are gnashing their teeth, but they can’t do anything. New Moscow is becoming the most elegant center of Europe, and soon the whole world.

All over the world!!! - the stunned Vasyukin residents groaned.

Yes! And subsequently the universe. The chess idea that turned a county town into the capital of the globe will turn into applied science and invent methods of interplanetary communication. Signals will fly from Vasyuki to Mars, Jupiter and Neptune. Communication with Venus will become as easy as moving from Rybinsk to Yaroslavl. And then, who knows, maybe in eight years the first interplanetary chess congress in the history of the universe will take place in Vasyuki!

Ostap wiped his noble forehead. He was hungry to such an extent that he would willingly eat a roasted chess knight.

“Yes,” the one-eyed man squeezed out, looking around the dusty room with a crazy gaze. But how to practically carry out the event, to lay down, so to speak, the basis?

Those present looked intensely at the grandmaster.

I repeat that practically the matter depends only on your initiative. I repeat, I take charge of the entire organization. There are no material costs, except for the costs of telegrams. One-Eye pushed his companions.

Well! - he asked. What do you say?

We'll arrange it! Let's arrange it! The Vasyukinites were making noise.

How much money do you need for this... telegrams?

“It’s a funny figure,” said Ostap, “one hundred rubles.”

The cash register only has twenty-one rubles and sixteen kopecks. This, of course, we understand, is far from enough...

But the grandmaster turned out to be an accommodating organizer.

“Okay,” he said, “give me your twenty rubles.”

Is that enough? asked the one-eyed man.

Enough for initial telegrams. And then donations will start, and there will be nowhere to put the money.

Having hidden the money in a green field jacket, the grandmaster reminded the audience about his lecture and a session of simultaneous play on 160 boards, kindly said goodbye until the evening and went to the “Carton Man” club for a date with Ippolit Matveevich.

“I’m starving,” Vorobyaninov said in a crackling voice.

He was already sitting at the cash register window, but had not yet collected a single penny and could not buy even a pound of bread. In front of him lay a green wire basket intended for collecting. In such baskets in houses mediocre put down knives and forks.

“Listen, Vorobyaninov,” Ostap shouted, stop cash transactions for an hour and a half! Let's go have lunch at Narpit. I'll outline the situation along the way. By the way, you need to shave and clean up. You just look like a tramp. A grandmaster cannot have such suspicious acquaintances.

“I didn’t sell a single ticket,” said Ippolit Matveevich.

No problem. By evening they will come. The city has already donated twenty rubles to me for organizing an international chess tournament.

So why do we need a simultaneous game? the administrator whispered. After all, they can beat you. And with twenty rubles we can immediately board the ship, just as “Karl Liebknecht” arrived from above, calmly go to Stalingrad and wait there for the arrival of the theater. Perhaps they will be able to open the chairs there. Then we are rich, and everything belongs to us.

You can’t say such stupid things on an empty stomach. This has a negative effect on the brain. For twenty rubles we might even get to Stalingrad... But how much money will we have to eat? Vitamins, dear comrade leader, are not given to anyone for nothing. But from the expansive Vasyukinites you can charge thirty rubles for a lecture and session.

They will beat you! Vorobyaninov said bitterly.

Of course, there is a risk. They can fill the tanks. However, I have one thought that will protect you in any case. But more on that later. For now, let's go try some local dishes.

By six o'clock in the evening, the well-fed, shaved and smelling of cologne grandmaster entered the box office of the Cardboard Club.

Well-fed and shaven, Vorobyaninov was briskly selling tickets.

Well, how? the grandmaster asked quietly.

Entrance thirty and for the game twenty, the administrator answered.

Sixteen rubles. Weak, weak!

What are you, Bender, look at the queue! They will inevitably beat you.

Don't think about it. When they beat you, you will cry, but for now, don’t linger! Learn to trade!

An hour later there were thirty-five rubles in the cash register. The audience was worried in the hall.

Close the window! Give me money! said Ostap. Now here's what. Here you have five rubles, go to the pier, hire a boat for two hours and wait for me on the shore, below the barn. You and I will take an evening walk. Don't worry about me. I'm in shape today.

The grandmaster entered the hall. He felt cheerful and knew for sure that the first move e2e4 did not threaten him with any complications. The rest of the moves, however, were drawn in complete fog, but this did not bother the great schemer at all. He had a completely unexpected way out to save even the most hopeless party.

The grandmaster was greeted with applause. The small club room was hung with colorful flags.

A week ago, an evening of the “Water Rescue Society” took place, as evidenced by the slogan on the wall:

THE CASE OF HELPING THE DROWNING
THE WORK OF THE HANDS OF THE DROWNING THEMSELVES

Ostap bowed, extended his hands forward, as if rejecting the applause he did not deserve, and walked onto the stage.

Comrades! he said in a wonderful voice. Comrades and brothers in chess, the subject of my lecture today is what I read about, and, I must admit, not without success, in Nizhny Novgorod a week ago. The subject of my lecture is a fruitful opening idea. What, comrades, is a debut and what, comrades, is an idea? The debut, comrades, is “Quasi una fantasia.” And what, comrades, does an idea mean? An idea, comrades, is a human thought, clothed in a logical chess form. Even with insignificant forces you can master the entire board. It all depends on each individual. For example, that blonde guy in the third row. Let's say he plays well...

The blond man in the third row blushed.

And that brunette over there, let’s say, is worse. Everyone turned and examined the brunette as well.

What do we see, comrades? We see that the blond plays well, and the brunette plays poorly. And no lectures will change this balance of forces if each individual does not constantly train in checkers... that is, I wanted to say in chess... And now, comrades, I will tell you several instructive stories from the practice of our respected hypermodernists Capablanca, Lasker and Doctor Grigoriev.

Ostap told the audience several Old Testament anecdotes, gleaned from the Blue Journal as a child, and thus ended the interlude.

Everyone was slightly surprised by the brevity of the lecture. And the one-eyed man did not take his only eye off the grandmaster’s shoes.

However, the beginning of a simultaneous game delayed the growing suspicion of the one-eyed chess player. Together with everyone else, he arranged the tables in peace. In total, thirty amateurs sat down to play against the grandmaster. Many of them were completely confused and constantly looked at chess textbooks, refreshing your memory complex options, with the help of which they hoped to surrender to the grandmaster at least after the twenty-second move.

Ostap glanced at the ranks of “blacks” that surrounded him on all sides, at the closed door, and fearlessly set to work. He approached the one-eyed man sitting at the first board and moved the king's pawn from square e2 to square e4.

One-Eye immediately grabbed his ears with his hands and began to think intensely. The following rustled through the ranks of lovers:

The grandmaster played e2e4. Ostap did not spoil his opponents with a variety of openings. On the remaining twenty-nine boards he performed the same operation: he moved the king's pawn from e2 to e4. One after another, the amateurs grabbed their hair and plunged into feverish reasoning. The non-players turned their gaze to the grandmaster. The only amateur photographer in the city had already perched himself on a chair and was about to set fire to the magnesium, but Ostap angrily waved his hands and, interrupting his flow along the boards, shouted loudly:

Remove the photographer! He interferes with my chess thoughts!

“Why on earth would you leave your photograph in this miserable little town. I don’t like dealing with the police,” he decided to himself.

The indignant hissing of the amateurs forced the photographer to abandon his attempt. The outrage was so great that the photographer was even kicked out of the room. On the third move it turned out that the grandmaster was playing eighteen Spanish games. In the remaining twelve, Black used the outdated, but quite correct Philidor Defense. If Ostap had learned that he was playing such tricky games and facing such a proven defense, he would have been extremely surprised. The fact is that the great schemer played chess for the second time in his life.

At first the lovers, and the first among them, the one-eyed man, were horrified. The grandmaster's cunning was undeniable.

With extraordinary ease and certainly being sarcastic in his heart at the backward lovers of the city of Vasyuki, the grandmaster sacrificed pawns, heavy and light pieces to the right and left. He even sacrificed his queen to the brunette who was being bullied at the lecture. The brunette was horrified and wanted to give up immediately, but only with a terrible effort of will he forced himself to continue the game.

Thunder out of the blue came five minutes later.

Checkmate! the frightened brunette stammered. Checkmate, comrade grandmaster.

Ostap analyzed the situation, shamefully called the “queen” “queen” and pompously congratulated the brunette on his win. A rumble ran through the rows of amateurs.

“It’s time to run away,” thought Ostap, calmly walking among the tables and carelessly rearranging the pieces.

“You have placed the knight incorrectly, comrade grandmaster,” the one-eyed man began to cry. A horse doesn’t move like that.

“Sorry, sorry, I’m sorry,” the grandmaster replied, “After the lecture I was a little tired.

Over the next ten minutes, the grandmaster lost ten more games.

Surprised screams were heard in the premises of the Cardboard Club. A conflict was brewing. Ostap lost fifteen games in a row, and soon three more. There was only one one-eyed man left. At the beginning of the game, out of fear, he made many mistakes and now with difficulty led the game to a victorious end. Ostap, unnoticed by those around him, stole a black rook from the board and hid it in his pocket.

The crowd closed tightly around the players.

My rook was just standing in this place! the one-eyed man shouted, looking around, and now she’s gone!

“No, that means it didn’t happen!” Ostap answered rudely. How could it not be? I remember clearly!

Of course it wasn’t!

Where did she go? Did you win it?

Won.

When? On what course?

Why are you fooling me with your rook? If you give up, then say so!

Excuse me, comrades, I have all the moves written down!

“The office writes,” said Ostap.

This is outrageous! The one-eyed man yelled. Give me my rook.

Give up, give up, what kind of cat and mouse is this!

Give up the rook!

With these words, the grandmaster, realizing that delay was like death, scooped up several pieces into a handful and threw them at the head of his one-eyed opponent.

Comrades! The one-eyed man squealed. See everything! The amateur is being beaten! The chess players of the city of Vasyuki were taken aback. Without wasting precious time, Ostap threw the chessboard at the lamp and, hitting someone’s jaws and foreheads in the darkness, ran out into the street. The Vasyukin lovers, falling on top of each other, rushed after him.

It was a moonlit evening. Ostap rushed along the silver street easily, like an angel, pushing off from the sinful earth. Due to the failed transformation of Vasyukov into the center of the universe, they had to flee not among palaces, but among log houses with external shutters. Chess amateurs rushed behind.

Hold the grandmaster! - the one-eyed man roared.

Crook! others supported.

Dudes! the grandmaster snapped, increasing his speed. Guard! - the offended chess players shouted. Ostap jumped up the stairs leading to the pier. He had to run four hundred steps. At the sixth site, two amateurs were already waiting for him, having made their way here along a roundabout path right along the slope. Ostap looked around. A close group of angry fans of Philidor's defense rolled from above like a pack of dogs. There was no retreat. So Ostap ran forward.

Here I am now, you bastards! he barked at the brave scouts, rushing from the fifth platform.

The frightened plastuns gasped, fell over the railing and rolled somewhere into the darkness of the hills and slopes. The path was clear.

Hold the grandmaster! rolled from above. The pursuers ran, clattering down the wooden stairs like falling skittles.

Running ashore, Ostap dodged to the right, looking for the boat with his faithful administrator.

Ippolit Matveyevich sat idyllically in the boat. Ostap fell onto the bench and furiously began to row away from the shore. A minute later, stones flew into the boat. One of them was shot down by Ippolit Matveevich. A dark nodule has grown a little higher than the volcanic pimple. Ippolit Matveyevich buried his head in his shoulders and whined.

Here's another hat! They almost tore my head off, and I was fine: cheerful and cheerful. And if you take into account another fifty rubles of net profit, then for one ghoul on your head the fee is quite decent.

Meanwhile, the pursuers, who only now realized that the plan to transform Vasyuki into New Moscow had collapsed and that the grandmaster was taking fifty of Vasyukin’s hard-earned rubles out of the city, loaded into a large boat and, screaming, rowed it out into the middle of the river. About thirty people crammed into the boat. Everyone wanted to take a personal part in the reprisal against the grandmaster. The expedition was commanded by a one-eyed man. His only eye sparkled in the night like a beacon.

Hold the grandmaster! screamed in the overloaded barge.

Let's go, Kisa! said Ostap. If they catch up with us, I cannot vouch for the integrity of your pince-nez.

Both boats were heading downstream. The distance between them was decreasing. Ostap was exhausted.

Don't leave, you bastards! They shouted from the barge. Ostap did not answer: there was no time. The oars were pulled out of the water. Water flew out in streams from under the frantic oars and fell into the boat.

“Go ahead,” Ostap whispered to himself. Ippolit Matveyevich was toiling. The barge was triumphant. Her tall body was already going around the concessionaires' boat with her left hand in order to press the grandmaster to the shore. A pitiable fate awaited the concessionaires. The joy on the barge was so great that all the chess players moved to the starboard side so that, having caught up with the boat, they could attack the villainous grandmaster with superior forces.

Take care of your pince-nez, Kisa! Ostap shouted in despair, throwing his oars. It's about to start!

Gentlemen! “Ippolit Matveyevich suddenly exclaimed in a rooster’s voice. Are you really going to beat us?

Yes! - the Vasyukin lovers thundered, getting ready to jump into the boat.

But at this time, an extremely offensive incident occurred for honest chess players around the world. The barge suddenly tilted and scooped up water on its starboard side.

Be careful! The one-eyed captain squeaked. But it was already too late. Too many amateurs have accumulated on the starboard side of the Vasyukin dreadnought. Having changed the center of gravity, the barge did not hesitate and, in full accordance with the laws of physics, capsized.

A general cry disturbed the calm of the river.

Wow! The chess players moaned protractedly. As many as thirty amateurs found themselves in the water. They quickly swam to the surface and, one after another, clung to the overturned barge. The last one to land was the one-eyed one.

Dudes! Ostap shouted in delight. Why don’t you beat your grandmaster? If I'm not mistaken, you wanted to beat me?

Ostap described a circle around the castaways.

You understand, Vasyukin individuals, that I could drown you one by one, but I will give you life. Live, citizens! Just, for the sake of the creator, don’t play chess! You just don't know how to play! Oh, you dudes, dudes... Let's go, Ippolit Matveevich, further. Farewell, one-eyed lovers! I'm afraid that Vasyuki will not become the center of the universe. I don’t think chess masters would come to fools like you, even if I asked them to. Farewell, lovers of strong chess sensations! Long live the Four Horses Club!

“New Vasyuki” is an ironic designation for unrealizable, fantastic plans.
The “homeland” of the expression is the chapter of the XXXIV “International Chess Congress” of the novel “12 Chairs” by I. Ilf and E. Petrov: “Don’t worry,” said Ostap, “my project will guarantee your city an unprecedented flowering of productive forces. Think about what will happen when the tournament is over and when all the guests have left. Residents of Moscow, constrained by the housing crisis, will rush to your magnificent city. The capital automatically moves to Vasyuki. The government is coming here. Vasyuki is renamed New Moscow, Moscow - Old Vasyuki. Leningraders and Kharkovites are gnashing their teeth, but they can’t do anything. New Moscow is becoming the most elegant center of Europe, and soon the whole world.
- All over the world!!! - the stunned Vasyukin residents groaned.”

...although the expression itself is not in the novel!

"New Vasyuki" and others.

“New Vasyuki” is one of the many catchphrases from the novels “12 Chairs” and “The Golden Calf”, included in the golden fund of the Russian language

• Key to the apartment where the money is
• Ostap Bender
• There is no hurry for you. The GPU will come to you on its own
• The ice has broken
• The stones are chosen with taste
• Proletarian of mental labor, broom worker
• All smuggling is done in Odessa, on Malaya Arnautskaya Street
• Blue thief
• The Senate did not authorize me
• One of my friends also sold state furniture
• Abortion victim
• The meeting continues
• Widow Gritsatsueva
• Mechanic-intellectual
• If there is an absence
• Oats are expensive these days
• A sultry woman is a poet's dream
• How much is opium for the people?
• Union of sword and ploughshare
• What regiment did you serve in?
• Abroad will help us
• Rescue of drowning people is the work of the drowning people themselves
• Money in the morning, chairs in the evening
• Children of Lieutenant Schmidt
• Sukharev Convention
• Auto rally - through sloppiness and off-road conditions
• Underground millionaire
• Voronya Slobodka
  etc.

"New Vasyuki" live and win

"New Vasyuki of the Mayor of Vilnius"
The mayor of Vilnius, Arturas Zuokas, knows how to build the city of his dreams, overcoming the mistrust of others and financial difficulties. “Our main product is a successfully formulated, well-calculated non-standard idea that equally benefits both the investor and the city,” this is how the mayor of the “capital of the future” explains the secret of his success.
Valeria Bondarenko. November 12, 2004.

Arrested for cheating with a banner, Ostap Bender and Ippolit Matveevich ended up in the small town of Vasyuki. They had no money. To continue the hunt for the chairs remaining on the ship, it was necessary to get at least thirty rubles.

Bender came up with a brilliant scam.

He sent Vorobyaninov to put up posters about a lecture on chess thought and a paid session of simultaneous games, and he himself went to Vasyukinsky chess Club. There he introduced himself as a grandmaster (although he played chess only once).

Enthusiastic Vasyukin residents surrounded him. This was the first time they had seen a living grandmaster. Bender, having captured their attention, told them how the development of chess could turn Vasyuki into a prosperous city, then into the capital of the USSR, Europe, the whole world, and maybe the whole solar system(read his speech, very interesting - Chapter 34 - Interplanetary Chess Congress). Bender proposed starting with organizing an international chess tournament.

...Vasyukin residents will not pay money. They will get them! It's all extremely simple. After all, chess lovers from all over the world will come to the tournament with the participation of such greatest Veltmeisters. Hundreds of thousands of people, richly wealthy people, will flock to Vasyuki...

... “Don’t worry,” said Ostap, “my project will guarantee your city an unprecedented flowering of productive forces.” Think about what will happen when the tournament is over and when all the guests have left. Residents of Moscow, constrained by the housing crisis, will rush to your magnificent city. The capital automatically moves to Vasyuki...

He took upon himself the organization of the tournament and the simple-minded Vasyukin residents gave him all the funds of the chess section - 20 rubles. Selling tickets for the lecture and session gave another 35 rubles.

Bender sent Vorobyaninov to prepare the way to escape (it was necessary to hire a boat), gave a lecture consisting of old jokes about chess players and began to play. Since he didn’t know how to play, he naturally lost all the games except one, caused a scandal and ran away from the club.

The enraged chess players almost caught up with the scammers, but at the last moment their boat capsized and our heroes were able to sail away.

The only eye of the Vasyukin chess player opened to the limits allowed by nature.

Ostap suffered.

Lasker got to the point where things became vulgar; it became impossible to play with him. He smokes his opponents with cigars. And he smokes cheap ones on purpose so that the smoke is more disgusting. The chess world is in trouble.

Ostap hasn't eaten anything since yesterday. Therefore, his eloquence was extraordinary.

And then, who knows, maybe in eight years the first interplanetary chess congress in the history of the universe will take place in Vasyuki!

He felt cheerful and knew for sure that the first move e2-e4 did not threaten him with any complications. The rest of the moves, however, were drawn in complete fog

The grandmaster played e2-e4

“It’s time to run away,” thought Ostap.

- Excuse me, comrades, I have all the moves written down!
“The office writes,” said Ostap

- Gentlemen! - Ippolit Matveevich suddenly exclaimed in a rooster’s voice. - Are you really going to beat us?

Take care of your pince-nez, Kisa!

Long live the Four Horses Club!

Excerpt from the novel “12 Chairs” by Ilf and Petrov

The grandmaster entered the hall. He felt cheerful and knew for sure that the first move e2-e4 did not threaten him with any complications. The rest of the moves, however, were drawn in complete fog, but this did not bother the great schemer at all. He had a completely unexpected way out to save even the most hopeless party.
The grandmaster was greeted with applause.

The small club room was hung with colorful flags.
A week ago, an evening of the “Water Rescue Society” took place, as evidenced by the slogan on the wall:
THE WORK OF HELPING THE DROWNING IS THE WORK OF THE HANDS OF THE DROWNING THEMSELVES
Ostap bowed, extended his hands forward, as if rejecting the applause he did not deserve, and walked onto the stage.
- Comrades! - he said in a beautiful voice. Comrades and brothers in chess, the subject of my lecture today is what I read about, and, I must admit, not without success, in Nizhny Novgorod a week ago. The subject of my lecture is a fruitful opening idea. What, comrades, is a debut and what, comrades, is an idea? The debut, comrades, is “Quasi una fantasia”. And what, comrades, does an idea mean? An idea, comrades, is a human thought, clothed in a logical chess form. Even with insignificant forces you can master the entire board. It all depends on each individual. For example, that blonde guy in the third row. Let's say he plays well...
The blond man in the third row blushed.
- And that brunette over there, let’s say, is worse. Everyone turned and examined the brunette as well.
- What do we see, comrades? We see that the blond plays well, and the brunette plays poorly. And no lectures will change this balance of forces if each individual does not constantly train in checkers... that is, I wanted to say - in chess... And now, comrades, I will tell you several instructive stories from the practice of our respected hypermodernists Capablanca, Lasker and Doctor Grigoriev.
Ostap told the audience several Old Testament jokes, gleaned from the Blue Journal as a child, and thus ended the interlude.
Everyone was slightly surprised by the brevity of the lecture. And the one-eyed man did not take his only eye off the grandmaster’s shoes. However, the beginning of a simultaneous game delayed the growing suspicion of the one-eyed chess player. Together with everyone else, he arranged the tables in peace. In total, thirty amateurs sat down to play against the grandmaster. Many of them were completely confused and constantly looked at chess textbooks, refreshing their memory of complex variations, with the help of which they hoped to surrender to the grandmaster at least after the twenty-second move.
Ostap glanced at the ranks of “blacks” that surrounded him on all sides, at the closed door, and fearlessly set to work. He approached the one-eyed man sitting at the first board and moved the king's pawn from square e2 to square e4.
One-Eye immediately grabbed his ears with his hands and began to think intensely. There was a whisper through the ranks of amateurs: “The grandmaster played e2-e4.”

Ostap did not spoil his opponents with a variety of openings. On the remaining twenty-nine boards he performed the same operation: he moved the king's pawn from e2 to e4. One after another, the lovers grabbed their hair and plunged into feverish reasoning. The non-players turned their gaze to the grandmaster. The only amateur photographer in the city had already perched himself on a chair and was about to set fire to the magnesium, but Ostap angrily waved his hands and, interrupting his flow along the boards, shouted loudly: “Get away the photographer!” He interferes with my chess thoughts!
“Why on earth would you leave your photograph in this miserable little town. “I don’t like dealing with the police,” he decided to himself.
The indignant hissing of the amateurs forced the photographer to abandon his attempt. The outrage was so great that the photographer was even kicked out of the room. On the third move it turned out that the grandmaster was playing eighteen Spanish parties. In the remaining twelve, Black used the outdated, but quite correct Philidor Defense. If Ostap had learned that he was playing such tricky games and facing such a proven defense, he would have been extremely surprised. The fact is that the great schemer played chess for the second time in his life. At first the lovers, and the first among them, the one-eyed man, were horrified. The grandmaster's cunning was undeniable. With extraordinary ease and certainly being sarcastic in his heart at the backward lovers of the city of Vasyuki, the grandmaster sacrificed
pawns, heavy and light pieces to the right and left. He even sacrificed his queen to the brunette who was being bullied at the lecture. The brunette was horrified and wanted to give up immediately, but only with a terrible effort of will he forced himself to continue the game.
Thunder out of the blue came five minutes later.
“Checkmate!” the frightened brunette stammered. “Checkmate, Comrade Grandmaster.”
Ostap analyzed the situation, shamefully called the “queen” “queen” and pompously congratulated the brunette on his win. A rumble ran through the rows of amateurs.
“It’s time to run away,” thought Ostap, calmly walking among the tables and carelessly rearranging the pieces.
“You placed the knight incorrectly, comrade grandmaster,” the one-eyed man fawned. “The knight doesn’t move like that.”
“Sorry, sorry, I’m sorry,” answered the grandmaster, “after the lecture I was a little tired.”
Over the next ten minutes, the grandmaster lost ten more games.
Surprised screams were heard in the premises of the Cardboard Club. A conflict was brewing. Ostap lost fifteen games in a row, and soon three more. There was only one one-eyed man left.
At the beginning of the game, out of fear, he made many mistakes and now with difficulty led the game to a victorious end. Ostap, unnoticed by those around him, stole a black rook from the board and hid it in his pocket.
The crowd closed tightly around the players.
“My boat was just standing in this place!” the one-eyed man shouted, looking around, “and now it’s gone!”
“No, that means it didn’t happen!” Ostap answered rudely.
- How could it not be? I remember clearly!
- Of course it wasn’t!
-Where did she go? Did you win it?
- Won.
- When? On what course?
- Why are you fooling me with your rook? If you give up, then say so!
- Excuse me, comrades, I have all the moves written down!
“The office writes,” said Ostap.
- It's outrageous! - the one-eyed man yelled. “Give me my rook.”
- Give up, give up, what kind of cat and mouse is this!
- Give me the rook!
With these words, the grandmaster, realizing that delay was like death, scooped up several pieces into a handful and threw them at the head of his one-eyed opponent.
- Comrades! — the one-eyed man squealed. “Look, everyone! They’re beating an amateur!”

The chess players of the city of Vasyuki were taken aback. Without wasting precious time, Ostap threw the chessboard at the lamp and, hitting someone’s jaws and foreheads in the darkness, ran out into the street. The Vasyukin lovers, falling on top of each other, rushed after him.

Over the past hundred years, many catchphrases have appeared in the Russian language with ironic overtones. One of these catchphrases is “New Vasyuki”. This phrase refers to huge plans for the future that will never come true.

The history of the expression "New Vasyuki"

IN 1927 year, from the pens of Ilf and Petrov, a novel called 12 Chairs was published. This sharply satirical feuilleton literally had the effect of a bomb exploding. Unexpectedly, even for the authors of this work, it became wildly popular. The entire novel was torn into quotes, films were made based on it. Until now this work enjoys well-deserved respect.
The plot of this extraordinary feuilleton unfolds before the discerning reader the life of people in young Soviet Russia.
An unknown man 27 years old named Ostap Bender suddenly finds out that he can hit a decent jackpot. It turns out that in order to hide her jewelry, one elderly lady placed them in one of the chairs, which was part of a set of 12 things.
This is where they begin amazing Adventures Ostap and his comrade in misadventures Kisa Vorobyaninov.
In search of their goal, they will have to overcome many obstacles. One of these obstacles on their way will be the small town of Vasyuki, where the companions decided to stay for a while.
Left without the means to coexist, they decide to deceive the gullible citizens of this town and organize a chess tournament. Ostap poses as a famous grandmaster.
Before the start of this action, Ostap, inspired by the easy money, gives a heartfelt speech. In his speech, he unfolds shining prospects for this tiny town, in which citizens are engrossed in playing chess.
It is in this speech that Ostap presents them with the image of the new Vasyukov, calling it, apparently by analogy with New York, “New Moscow”. It turns out that their city will become the capital.
The residents of this ordinary town were literally shocked by their bright future and began to watch Ostap’s play with pleasure.

It is worth noting that the expression “New Vasyuki” itself is not in the book

Additional information about where scenes from the film 12 Chairs were filmed.

On September 20, director Gaidai goes in search of places for natural filming together with his colleagues, the artist and the film’s cameraman. They visited Tutaev, Rabotki, Rybinsk. It was on this trip that places for future filming were selected.
In Rabotki, they will film the New Vasyukov pier and the Volga Cheboksary river route; in Rybinsk, they decided to film the streets of Stargorod, Vorobyaninov’s mansion, and the railway station. In Tutaev, it was decided to film the streets of city No. 11.

There are many wonderful quotes in the book 12 Chairs, some of which you can see: